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Diaspora Talk: Why African women are NOT dating Black American men?

by Vickie Remoe
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I have lived in the US for over 10 years. I went to high school and University here. For the most part, I feel culturally American. I grew up in a predominantly black neighbourhood in Prince George’s County and went to an all black  high school. Now I live in Harlem, the mecca of Black American life.

But….

In all this time, I cant say that I’ve ever dated a Black American or a White American man. I’ve spoken to several of my African girlfriends and I was surprised to find that most like myself have also never dated Black American men. They either date African men or White men.

I recently met a Black man in the Bronx and we’ve been exchanging text messages. He is cute, funny, and witty. However, he has very little knowledge of Africa. I’ve always said that the reason why i didnt date Black American men was because of the cultural differences between Africans and Black Americans. My culture is very important to me and I would ideally want to have that in common with my partner.

But is it really about culture?

Or am i like others who experienced some kind of teasing about being African in high school simply retaliating by holding out on our Black American brothers?

When I am approached by a Black American man, i generally don’t even take their interest in me seriously. Its almost like i have so fully rejected the idea of being with a Black American man that I dont even let the thought flourish in my mind. I assume that we dont have anything in common.

I have dug deep and found that my assumptions are based on (1) past negative experiences with ignorant Black Americans both male and female (2) stereotypes of Black Americans formed by what I’ve seen in the media.
The reality is that even though I’ve mixed with and lived next to Black Americans, most of the people I know and socialise with are Africans. And when we meet, we confirm each other’s stereotypes of Black Americans and so the myths continue.

But now realising that I’ve been hiding behind the fallacy of a supposed African man superiority, I am ready to let go of the myths.

Other than being ‘African’, men from the continent are not necessarily better. While we may have a shared culture, these men also sometimes come with negative socio cultural beliefs. They expect you as as African woman to accept or understand their womanizing.

I find myself asking this: How important is culture in your relationship? As I try to deal with this in my own life I wonder how many of you male and female have dated Black Americans and whether or not you think there is a marked difference.

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